reaching out and the honeymoon phase is fading
its starting to be incredibly hard unofortunately
so its better to write down some postive statements
kiki helped me to stop blaming my dad for everything and keeping him as an excuse for everything
he helped me see that,
if i keep holding on to how my dad never taught me anything masculine and never gave me any positive attention,
im going to be abused my whole life
so...i let go of that.
it doesnt matter if i dont get caressed for years from now
it doesnt matter if i get zero attention from men in years from now
i have myself. i have my interests, my goals, my friends, my hobbies
nature, garden, sunrise
forest, sea, stones
comedy...jewellery...internet
i can cry, and i can be sad
and i am patient with myself
my head is spinning and i am crying, but thats normal
energy is opening and years of beating myself up on the same wounded spot over and over again are finally over
and now the healing ensues
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